Soul Suckers

Your sitting on the brink of something, it's like that moment right before you brake when you might hit something and if you hadn't looked up you would have crashed. You most definitely would have crashed and you felt your foot hit down and your heart skip a beat.

You are sitting on the brink of something and everyone knows it. You can either give in to everyone or you can yell out what you want to say. If you give in, you will follow a path and make certain decisions always bearing in mind the things that you want but never really having them completely in your reach. If you step out and do what you want, perhaps "disappoint" everyone you may not have a clear path but you will know that things will be okay.

"Did you believe ,when they told you they discovered you? And that everything is free,as long as you do what they tell you to. You think it's true?"

Today I went to career services thinking I could keep up the game, think that they wouldn't see through my facade and they would give me a nice tidy package that consisted of career for a year, nonprofit of some kind and then graduate school. The package would have not only satisfied me but my family. After about a quarter of an hour with me and my empty plead for the career services savior to "fix it please" I had revealed the dire struggle between my sense of obligation and love to my family and my sense of self. They then realized that any help they could give me was secondary or even tertiary to any help that I might need sorting out what I could do within myself and my desire to satisfy those that mean the most to me. They can help me find jobs or do personal assesments or take prep tests but they can't help me be the black sheep of my family. They then recommended I "head upstairs." I knew what that meant, the sign that points upstairs points to Counseling and Psychological Services.

I still think I can look up before I crash and I will figure this out on my own, although the folks upstairs have helped me through things before. Ugh.